House: New Addiction
by PurpleMoon3
Summary: One shot in which House rises to Wilson's challenge, gaining a new addiction in the process.  Guess what it is.


**House: New Addiction**

**A/N- After observing how a certain… thing… seems to turn 75 of the people who come in contact with it into addicts, I wrote this. **

"We've been through this a thousand times, Wilson." House groaned from his chair, wondering why he put up with the other doctor. They were friends of a sort but the man always found time to nag him. It was like they were married, only without the sex. "I'm not an addict. I just happen to have more pain than the average mad scientist."

Wilson bit out a laugh as he leaned over the desk. "Mad scientist… you would have to be! Cuddy lied for you, do you have any idea how close you came to prison?! I lied for you!"

House gave him a smile that didn't quite reach his eyes, and it was hard to tell if it was his normal apathetic self or the drugs. Wilson sometimes thought that the doctor he befriended and House's inner angry teen somehow merged into the super-entity that defined all logic with his diagnosis'. "Sweetie, I didn't know you cared." Gregory House reached into his pocket and withdrew a small medicine bottle filled with pills. Wilson sputtered.

"W-where did you get those? You were supposed to be in rehab, if Tritter knew you had these you'd be back in court!"

House shrugged. "Voldemort's been smuggling 'um to me. Good dark lord that one."

"The rehab guard?"

"So you-know-who."

Wilson stood and began pacing the room. "This is ridiculous. You're an addict, but somehow you function! You even find people to support you… I don't even know why I support you."

"Is it because of my devilishly handsome features? You can't help but bend to my will. Now get me a coke." House sent Wilson a look that the other guessed was the cripple's attempt at seduction. Wilson rolled his eyes and held out his hand.

"No. Hand over the pills, and PROVE to me you aren't an addict. If you can go for one week without taking anything but over-the-counter pain relievers I'll admit that you just have pain problems. And I expect to see no or few signs of withdraw!"

House eyes the palm for a moment, his pride warring with his common sense. No, he knew himself not to be an addict in the sense everyone else thought, ie _physiologically or psychologically dependent on an addictive substance, as alcohol or a narcotic_. On the other hand he also knew that his leg was constantly in pain, and to take his mind off it he tended to _habituate or abandon (oneself) to something compulsively or obsessively_. In a way he hated Stacy, she never understood him.

He never wanted his leg amputated, but he never liked doing things halfway. If she was going to ignore his wishes she should have taken the whole blasted thing, not left him as some sort of mini Frankenstein. Now to avoid the pain he got high on the pills, though he would only admit it to himself.

House stood and beamed Wilson in the head with the bottle, a righteous smirk on his face. "Fine, I'll just find a new addiction."

Wilson picked the bottle up from the carpet; a cold sense of foreboding filling his chest. He wouldn't come to regret this, would he?

As he walked down the hall he could hear House blasting ACDC from his stereo.

* * *

Cameron slowed from her run as she neared the 'debriefing room'. After waking up late she was worried about being late, and despite House not caring she knew Cuddy would notice and ask about it. The brunette woman fixed her hair and pulled open the door, but several excuses died on her lips.

"Um. Where's House?"

Chase jerked his thumb in the direction of the office adjacent to the room. "He hasn't come out yet."

Cameron walked to House's office door and tried to open it, but it was locked. "Are you sure he's in there and not… dead?"

"Yes." Chase took a deep breath. "House! She's here!"

"Finally!" Came the shouted response, slightly dampened by the wall separating the two groups. "Foreman, you're up."

The large man stood and moved closer to the wall in an effort for the missing person to hear him better. "Monica Kerning, has trouble sleeping and lately started biting her arm. In some cases drawing blood. She then falls asleep and doesn't remember anything when she wakes up."

"Mah ee bamphir."

The three associates shared a look. "A little louder!"

"MAYBE SHE'S A VAMPIRE!" After the statement Foreman swore he heard a mass of laughing and something along the lines of 'think just cuz you're cute I'll pass you up'.

"As interesting as that would be, I doubt that's it." Cameron answered. "I'll get some blood samples." She swept from the room tiredly.

"Good. Chase, you check her head for anomalies and Foreman will get me some Bawls."

"What?"

"Bawls man! I NEED BAWLS!"

The two men stared at the wall, then looked at each other. "I think it's an energy drink."

"Oh."

* * *

Two days later Wilson walked into the meeting of the minds. Cameron and Foreman were arguing about the fact that the antibiotics weren't working. Apparently her blood was infected with a small parasite but, surprisingly, it's elimination didn't cure the biting. The woman was still missing sleep.

"Where's House?"

The three interns pointed to the glass wall, which had clearly been scribbled on with an Expo marker from the other side. The symptoms of Monica Kerning were all listed, as well as messages like 'I need more caffeine' and 'tell Wilson I'm not an addict'.

"How long has this been going on?" asked the confused cancer specialist.

"Since Monday morning. We've just been leaving food and drinks at the door and the next morning their gone. I don't think he even has the lights on…" Cameron commented, pointing out the fact that the shades were drawn.

Chase grinned. "Remember his statement about the Vampire? He could have turned into one…" The smile faded when he realized that no one was laughing. What was with these people? They needed to lighten up!

Wilson crossed his arms and approached the door. "House! Open the door!"

"Wilson? Forget it! I'm going to PROVE to you I'm not an addict! I'm staying in here until the weeks over!"

Wilson ground his teeth. "You have a patient! That takes precedence!"

"I'm doing that, too! Foreman! Do an LP!"

"Why?" Asked the man, who had trouble following the conversation between the doctor and the wall.

"Because we always do an LP! Just do it now and save some time! DAMN IT!" Cameron blushed at the sheer ferocity behind the curses House screamed, she never heard him use so much emotion before. What was he doing?"

* * *

"House, come on out. The patient is fine and going home. You need to go home too. Staying at the hospital for five nights straight is not healthy." Cuddy called from outside House's door. The genius doctors three assistants and friend stood by, waiting.

"What has been doing, anyway?" Cuddy asked Wilson, who had asked the woman to use her power to get the man out of the room.

"I'm not sure… but he hasn't had any vicadin or codine for a week. He did say he would get a new addiction… maybe he's masturbating."

"House a Nymphomanic? I would have never thought." Cameron blushed as she said it, and Chase snorted.

Cuddy turned to a janitor and asked him to open the door. "House! We're coming in!"

There was silence.

The entire room was dark, except for the glowing screen of House's computer. Faintly they could hear The Wall by Pink Floyd playing in the background. House's head snapped up, black rings around his eyes giving him a somewhat zombie like appearance. Hundreds of blue glass bottles surrounded the desk and covered the floor, and a single bare syringe bared testament to his caffeine injections.

"He is watching Porn!" Wilson exclaimed in surprise, unsure to be happy that House wasn't sneaking pills or upset that he would be so… well the situation stood for itself.

"What?! I am not!" House protested as his fingers flew over the keyboard.

Cuddy kicked Bawls bottles out of the way and she stalked toward the computer, face red. "Why do I put up with you?! If you're going to do this…do it… at… home?" The woman blinked at the glowing screen, confusion smeared across her face. Intrigued the others came over to watch, including the janitor. The Wall switched over to Killer Queen, in the silence of the stunned doctors.

Finally the janitor smiled and said in a pleased tone, "So. I've got a level 112 Chief Bandit. Want to party sometime?"

"Excuse me?" Cuddy asked the cleaner.

The man ran a hand through his hair, mildly disturbed by her attention. "Well, he's got a level 109 Priest. I just thought it'd be fun…"

"What is it? It's not Everquest… I have a nephew that plays that."

In unison the janitor and House replied. "Maplestory, the cuteness is addicting."

* * *

Cameron, Chase, and Foreman sat in the room waiting. House was not in his office, but he wasn't anywhere else in the hospital either. "Maybe he's at home playing that game, since, you know, Cuddy banned it from the hospital computers." Chase offered.

Cameron sighed and pillowed her head in her arms, having stayed up during the night trying to level her archer. No wonder House had refused to leave his office last week, after level 26 it took dedication to make progress. Though, she had met House in the virtual world, and laughed when he chewed out a gang of 'n00bs' for bastardizing the English language. Plox looked nothing like please, and plz was just from being lazy. "Call his cell." The girl muttered in her half asleep state.

Chase sighed and put the office phone on speaker as he hit speed dial.

Ring.

Ring.

Ring.

"And why, may I ask, the hell are you people bothering me?" House asked with irritation.

Foreman rubbed his forehead in an attempt to avoid a migraine. "We got a case. There's a little boy with rash and nothing seems to help."

There was a pause. "Is he dying?"

"Not at the moment…"

"Then don't call me! He can wait a day or two!"

"The kid's in pain!"

"Then give him some morphine."

Cameron glanced up. "House, where are you?"

The three co-workers shivered as their bosses voice took on a gleeful tone. "Standing in line, what do you think! Maplestory is about to be released on the DS."

END.

A/N- Te-he. Well I myself have a level 35 bandit. I don't have internet at my house so I have to get on at school, but I do heart Maplestory. I've successfully converted 3 people to it! And those three will reach three more… and so on and so on.


End file.
